A lot of so called religious people think that when a person dies the go either to heaven or hell with nothing inbetween. But that is something that I myself extremely freakin doubt. After studying the subject for over 30 years and being pronounced dead myself 3 times I have came up with my own ideas about what really awaits us on the other side. And if goes something like this.

Here we have Fred, Fred is dead. having died while screwing his mistress. Fred looks around not really knowing just what the hell is going on and see’s a guy standing in the corner. Now Fred, having just expired, is a little confused. He looks at the bed and see’s his body lying there, his mistress freakin out on the phone to 911 and some creepy looking moron standing in the corner looking at him with a big grin on his face saying that must suck.

Fred is then told that he is indeed dead. and that the s.o.p. is for him to stay with his body until the funeral, that way it will ease the time when he has to finally say goodbye. So He travels with his body to the coroner’s office where he meets a lot of others who are also newly dead, abd then on to the undertakers to await his own viewing. He rather likes the funeral itself, though is a little annoyed that he didn’t outlive cousin Dick who is indeed a dickhead. And is assured that old Dick will be pushing up his own daisy’s in an even more embarrassing way real soon.

Once the wake is over Fred is informed that he has to go, and that the is no Hell and that Heaven as he has always thought of it isn’t real either. No, instead, Fred is told that he had better start looking for a house or an apartment to haunt, and that also means getting a job. Now with a puzzled look, Fred asks if there is no heaven or hell, then what is the meaning or purpose to life. His case worker looks at him and says very bluntly that it is for man to learn from his mistakes and to overcome his fears. And only in that can he move on to what awaited in the next life. Well, Fred thinks about this and asks “well, if that’s the case, why do we have to keep working, haven’t we earned a rest?” And is told that you work not for money in the afterlife but as a way to keep busy. And Fred then of course ask’s about God, and is told that no one even in the afterlife meets God because God isn’t a being but a cosmic force that binds the universe together, that God is the universe itself.

So Fred finds himself a job tending bar, a nice little house to haunt and in the time he has to himself reflects on the meaning of his life. That is until his wife dies 25 years later, moves in with him and from then on never lets him live down just how he embarrassed her by dying as he did in the first place.

And now for todays designs.